Metro = Weirdos + Shelly

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Metro = Weirdos + Shelly Ok so the metro freaks are starting to get to me. Wait. Before getting into this rant, I need to establish the fact that I enjoy my daily train rides. It's ME time; a time when I can sit undistracted by television, phone conversations, or the internet. It's a time to think or zone out. Either way, this time is important to me. But more than ever, people are popping my bubble of solitude and invading my ME time. Usually they start out by saying, "Whatcha reading?" If only I had the ovaries to say, "It's called 'Don't bother people with stupid questions while they're reading. asshole." Once in a while, it's ok, sometimes even quite interesting. For instance, my meeting with the youngish fellow from Oklahoma… He seemed like the typical wannabe actor (a little scruffy, not unattractive) trying to make it in Hollywood. Then I realized he was homeless and INSANE. He claimed to have the prophet-like ability to communicate with God and, what more, channel His divine powers. As he lifted the sleeve of his shirt to reveal a self done tattoo of a cross (which appeared to be a cover up of yet another self done tattoo of a marijuana leaf), he explained the moment he realized his gift. In short, he got a car to start by… wait for it… turning the key. Oh the power of an almighty God. All hail the homeless actor from Oklahoma. With the spirit of God in his fingers, he ignited an engine. He then asked if he could buy me a pizza. I told him that he should buy himself a pizza, being homeless and all. I didn't mind this occurrence as much as the two that have happened in the last 24 hours though. Yesterday, on the way home from work, I was taking a snooze when I awoke to a sort of wimpering. I immediately regretted opening my eyes for, there, hovering over the poor woman sitting next to me was this middle-aged drunkard. He was literally begging her (and yes, fake crying) to give up her seat so that he could sit next to me as I "sweetly slumbered." Creepy… as soon as he saw me awake though, he leaned over her completely and got directly in my space, demanding to know my name. I said it was Amelie (I always wanted to do that). After a good five minutes of politely refusing to reveal any more information about myself, he got off the train. But I didn't even have enough time to let out a sigh of relief when he pressed his body up against the window from the outside. At this point he had everyone's attention. They were all looking at him and then looking at me. So much for ME time. Thank you very much Mr. drunk ass fucker for stealing away precious moments of my life, moments that could have been used thinking about Prince Charming as I quietly rested my eyes. Motherfucker! Then, this morning!!! I was listening to my favorite Bjork song "Five Years," thoroughly enjoying myself, when this asshole (whose sweatpants were tucked into his socks) sat next to me and asked what I was listening to. "NOT YOU MOTHERFUCKER". with nowhere to escape, i was then forced to listen to a long-winded speech about illegal immigration and how the Mexicans are cockroaches and should have Hilter(!) unleashed on them. and jesus christ! this guy was Mexican himself. what the hell man? He said he was gonna take his views to city council - that he had respect for America and the establishment. "I like to follow rules," he said as he slurped a fountain drink right under a sign that clearly specified "no eating or drinking," "I don't like these aliens breaking the law and cramming themselves in our beautifully white communities." taking in the irony of it all, i simply stated that i did not agree. "What are you? a liberal!!" God man, the last thing i want is to have a pointless political argument with you, especially during my ME time. errrrrrggggg. Next time something like this happens, I'll just pretend I don't speak English. Or act mentally challenged. Either way…